


Off Days

by DarthLivion (DistantShenanigans)



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Married Chirrut Îmwe/Baze Malbus, POV Baze Malbus, Trans Baze Malbus, Trans Male Character, discussion of transphobia, the trans!Baze fic literally only one person wanted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 22:19:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10626276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DistantShenanigans/pseuds/DarthLivion
Summary: Baze will always wonder why his husband puts up with him, whether it be from him leaving to travel and pick up random jobs off-world, or the times where he can barely pick himself out of bed because the feeling of wrongness is just too much.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PunsBulletsAndPointyThings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunsBulletsAndPointyThings/gifts).



> PunsBulletsAndPointyThings had sent me "Trans!Baze" on tumblr before I saw the movie. Then I saw the movie. So, you know, this was bound to happen. (this is unbeta'd)

It takes a lot for Baze to shut down completely. Most days, he's “grumpy”, according to his husband, but there have been times where Baze goes from scowling and bickering with Chirrut, to completely silent and his face blank. It's those days that he knows worries the others, and he's sure that even K2 gets mildly concerned over it. Chirrut knows everything – of course he does; they're _married_ for Force's sake – and does everything in his power to help Baze through the moments where he feels like everything about him, about his body, is _wrong wrong_ _ **wrong**_.

Baze will always wonder why his husband puts up with him, whether it be from him leaving to travel and pick up random jobs off-world, or the times where he can barely pick himself out of bed because the feeling of wrongness is just too much.

Masters at the temple used to tell him that 'the Force gave you this body, you must cherish it, for the Force wills it', and that spoke volumes about why Baze had begun being skeptical about the Force to begin with, and then the Jedi Purge happened, and Baze had felt the twinges of pain in his heart, and he could only watch as Chirrut was crippled by the loss, screaming and crying from the pain of loss. He had finally stopped believing in the the old teachings when the temple had finally fell, when the only home he'd ever known was taken over by the Empire, and he had long ago picked up his guns and armor.

“Okay, that's it!” It was Wedge Antilles that got unnerved enough to touch the subject of the adoptive family he now looked towards. The boy had taken to Bodhi, having been former Empire as well, and the Rogue Squadron had taken him in, even if he was part of another squadron, even if they weren't really a squad themselves. “What's wrong with him!?” The young man aimed that towards Chirrut, knowing that the blind guardian knew and wasn't telling anyone.

“Everyone has off days, Wedge.” Chirrut merely replies, and Baze knows Wedge is utterly baffled by that response, because Baze was fine about an hour ago, and now he isn't, but the boy won't speak out about it.

It's not until they're sitting at a table in the mess hall for dinner, that someone brings up the subject again, and they're not nearly as concerned about respect as Wedge is.

“What's wrong with you?” Jyn was direct in her questioning towards him, and Baze was only half in the mind to be grateful about it, when Wedge hadn't been before.

“Off day.” Baze grunted in response, and Jyn's eyes narrowed as Cassian and Bodhi frowned.

“ _What is it really?_ ” Bodhi asked in Jedhan, and the way Chirrut frowned must have told the pilot enough, because here merely nodded and said, “ _Nevermind, I don't need to know._ ”

“Oh come on, he was fine this morning!” Jyn turned to Chirrut, at that. Even if she didn't understand the words, she knew Bodhi had asked the same as she had. “We're just worried!”

That was a concept that Baze only knew to come from Chirrut, honestly. Even before the temple fell, before the loss of the Jedi, his days where everything just felt _wrong_ had only ever been acknowledged by Chirrut, who worried from the very first moment they had met. Chirrut had been so _worried_ , and hadn't even known him, not the real him, and knowing that their new companions worried too, is probably what gave Baze the courage to actually speak up.

“When Chirrut and I met,” he started, and that gained their friends' attentions. He hadn't expected to talk, and he paused a moment, when he realized he had their full attention, “When Chirrut and I met, I had been in a corner of the temple, far from the sight of the masters and other initiates, and I was crying.”

“What?” It was Cassian who had spoken, and Bodhi and Jyn looked as confused as Cassian sounded.

Regardless, he continued, even as Chirrut took Baze's hand in his own, “I had been smaller back then, skinnier than this old fool had been, and my crying was apparently heard by him, the only one to ever walk that hallway when there were shorter paths to take to our lessons.”

“The Force told me to take the long route,” Chirrut stated, and Baze didn't stop the small, amused smile that crossed his face. His husband was still full of shit when he wanted to be, it seemed.

“You got lost, admit it,” Baze replied.

“Blaspheme. I do not get lost. Not even then.” Chirrut was smiling, though, and the younger members of their group smiled.

“Chirrut found you, you were saying?” Cassian got them back on track, and Baze nodded.

“Knelt next to me, and asked me what a handsome boy like me was doing, crying in an abandoned hallway corner.”

“I will never forgot how confused you were, when I said that.” Chirrut's smile grew into a smug grin, and Baze shook his head.

“Why would I not be? I certainly didn't look like a boy at the time,” he replied, “Especially when our teachers would tell me that the Force gave me this body for a reason, and that I had to love it as it was.” That brought a frown to Chirrut's face.

“You never told me that,” his husband scolded, “You said that they were not being respectful of your gender, nor your pronouns, not that they were telling you the Force was being binary and sexist.”

“ _Oooooooh_....” Cassian slowly nodded, “Okay, I understand what is going on now.” The captain frowned, then. “Did you never transition?” Jyn's and Bodhi's eyes widened at that, Bodhi's in understanding and Jyn's in shock.

“No,” Baze replied, “I managed to get my hands on hormones, but nothing else.”

“Why not?” Jyn asked.

“Who would help me with that? Certainly not the Empire, and I never trusted anyone I would work with after the temple fell, save for Chirrut. Besides, my armor worked well enough to bind and keep the wrongness at bay.” The three younger rebels were quiet, taking in the words, and it was Jyn who let out a small cuss.

“What are you using now?” She asked, “Our clothes were removed, destroyed from the fighting and-”

“And I'm old, not stupid, little sister,” Baze replied, amused. “Bindings exist, you know.”

“It only took three days of me scolding him to actually get him to wear them, but yes, they do exist.” Chirrut stated, and Baze didn't even bother to wait until they were alone to nudge his husband gently with his elbow.

“ _Old fool_ ,” He stated in Jedhan, and Bodhi smiled at that, even as Chirrut rolled his eyes.

“ _Says the one who was suffering from their own stupidity._ ”

“Excuse me, who was the one who decided to take on storm troopers on their own again?” The argument was a long and old one, from when they were left alone to protect the people of the city, even as Baze left to take jobs, from before then, even, despite that storm troopers weren't around before the Jedi purge. Chirrut had the knack for getting himself into trouble.

And their masters used to say that _Baze_ was the problematic one, and while he knows he shouldn't think ill of the dead, he couldn't help but think of them and snort, calling them _idiots_ when asked about them. After all, they were the ones who hurt him, and the ones who had thought Chirrut was such a good kid, growing up. And yeah, he's not the perfect monk they wanted, but at least he isn't the one running recklessly into fights with storm troopers.

Scarif, he decided, as he and Chirrut walked back to their room, did not count as running recklessly into a fight. They had had back up, more than what Chirrut ever had when they were Initiates at the temple.

He tackled Chirrut to their bed, when his husband tried to argue that logic, getting a laugh from the smaller man.

 


End file.
